I haven't had much to say lately. Staying at home all day, I've been doing the same things, everyday. At least the apartment is getting thoroughly cleaned.

I spend most of my time looking at cars. I wish I had a car to go look at cars.

laugh- paranoia

My job search has resumed.

It's my first day, unemployed, since May of 2007. Im not sure how I feel about that by any means. I do know that its freakin cold in my apartment- lower 60s, and it won't warm up!! the heat doesn't work when temperatures are so cold. I could go ask the office, but that seems unfair- maybe everyone's doesn't work, its not their fault its so cold.

Writing on this blog is strange. It's so free to post whatever I want. Even more free than my paranoid thoughts believed. See, I googled myself and I gotta laugh- my common name hides me so well. I always make fun of my not-so-new last name. I love my name and everything, but I just poke fun at the fact that its SO common. But, I couldn't be happier now, that my last name is Jones. I searched through 8 google pages and couldn't find my blogs and facebook. That's GREAT!! While I love the online community and the fact that friends are so accessible, I was starting to get really paranoid that my potential employers were going to find my blogs and other sites and judge me before hiring me. Maybe they could try other searches, but on google- I'm pretty hidden. All you'll find is a soap opera star and some other famous people way more interesting than me.

Another weird feeling about writing on this particular blog is I feel kind of alone writing on it. I haven't told many people about it, and I feel like I'm talking to myself. In my case, this is ok, because sometimes I just have to get thoughts out and written down in organized thought so I don't make myself crazy. I'm more free to be myself on here too, if I don't think 100 people could read it.

I have to email a friend now. Bye, self.

*correction- I found myself via my name and city, but it's a really old profile with the wrong info anyway. so you can stalk someone online, but I wouldn't recommend it.

Contradicted change

I feel alone, and already sad as if I already had my last day at work. I feel the weight of missing so many people on my shoulders. I really dislike missing people. It's a very silly thing to dislike because life is filled with missing people and in a way, it makes life more meaningful if we even have people to miss. I just wish I could stay in touch better. Email, at least, makes this somewhat possible.

There's so many normal things stressing me out. If everyone is upset about the same thing I feel like its pointless to be upset about it. It should be just an accepted reality. The main thing I'm talking about is MONEY. No one has enough of it, especially now, so its the last thing I want to hear anyone complain about, but its the first thing on everyone's mind.

I'm also really sad that a new friend is moving away. REALLY sad.

I think I talk too much at work. I need to start getting my thoughts out by writing again, then I'm not forcing anyone to listen or be distracted at work.

My random complaint is that my allergies must be acting up again. This is my first winter being "healthy" after all my sinus and allergies problems. I was good until lately, I feel soooo abnormally tired, and my sinuses hurt all the time- making my head feel like a hundred pounds. I already went on antibiotics during christmas because i started aching head to toe and stuff, but the healthyness didn't last long after. I vacuumed today and will keep up on that and brushing my cats.

It's very hard to be at work, trying not to think about it being my last weeks, trying not to be super buddy with kids because i know I'm leaving, and still trying to do a good job because I don't want to slack off.

I just watched the Clash DVD. It was enjoyable.