I feel alienated at my work lately. I am offering to help for the benefit and I feel like no one is taking it. I haven't been able to attend the meetings but I work with every single person in charge and they said its ok if I missed them. I thought that its more helpful for me to say I'll do anything rather than I just choose something, whether if I know its been done or not. The requests never came, despite emails and me asking around. I decided to pick a suburb and just start calling restaurants and businesses. I feel awkward about the whole thing! I haven't helped at all so I feel selfish, yet what more can I do to help.
This has happened with other events at work, and maybe its best if I don't volunteer for anything.
Watched Rushmore, its pretty funny....and strange.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Saturday, July 12, 2008
cruel
My body hates me! Argggghh!
I'm being a little dramatic I guess. I woke up with a sore throat, couldn't talk much, ear ache, fever.... I couldn't go down to Kasson to see my mom for her birthday. I was now looking at a day of boredom. Finally my fever went down and I slept a lot. However, I am annoyed to find a canker sore on my throat, the side my ear ache is on. A canker sore?!!!! I canceled my weekend and had a fever because of a canker sore?! How lame. So here I am, after watching hours of tv and netflix. I even had a list for cleaning. My brother might come over and keep me company.... but that's not for sure at this point.
Ok, I'm done with complaining for the moment.
I'm being a little dramatic I guess. I woke up with a sore throat, couldn't talk much, ear ache, fever.... I couldn't go down to Kasson to see my mom for her birthday. I was now looking at a day of boredom. Finally my fever went down and I slept a lot. However, I am annoyed to find a canker sore on my throat, the side my ear ache is on. A canker sore?!!!! I canceled my weekend and had a fever because of a canker sore?! How lame. So here I am, after watching hours of tv and netflix. I even had a list for cleaning. My brother might come over and keep me company.... but that's not for sure at this point.
Ok, I'm done with complaining for the moment.
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
break in cleaning
This will be possibly short and to the point. This is because I'm taking a break from cleaning.
It's strange when I think I've got a pretty good hold on life, and I actually have no clue. I think that I've got things together and I'm on top of it. That's when my world gets shaken and things become unsure and unknown.
Summer started off well and I've been really excited for the warm weather (which actually did come until the end of June). Then a co-worker I've always admired, and enjoyed working with, gets sick suddenly 5 weeks after having a baby. She dies a week later. Everything seems different at work now. People are more upset, more edgy. Not as willing to help, be kind, and overlook simple mistakes or judgment calls. I've become extremely insecure and too aware of myself teaching and handling the new class of 4 year olds. I feel stubborn that I don't want to help in planning things for her because she shouldn't have died in the first place, yet remember those living and grieving like her husband and daughters.
Weddings are unpredictable. You never know whats going to happen, what's going to go wrong or what's actually the most fun. Sometimes I meet new friends and that is always fun, but we usually don't see each other again, or at least for a very long time.
I keep super busy because I like to live the summer out to its fullest. Hopefully tomorrow's mini party is fun and doesn't add anxiety when I mean to just have fun. We cleaned all day today for it, but really it needed to be done regardless. Maybe that's why I invited a bunch of people over-for the excuse to do the deep cleaning.
Money. there are so many things I could say about it, most bitter, but it doesn't matter because we need it to live and there's no point in dwelling in the lack of it.
Back to cleaning.
It's strange when I think I've got a pretty good hold on life, and I actually have no clue. I think that I've got things together and I'm on top of it. That's when my world gets shaken and things become unsure and unknown.
Summer started off well and I've been really excited for the warm weather (which actually did come until the end of June). Then a co-worker I've always admired, and enjoyed working with, gets sick suddenly 5 weeks after having a baby. She dies a week later. Everything seems different at work now. People are more upset, more edgy. Not as willing to help, be kind, and overlook simple mistakes or judgment calls. I've become extremely insecure and too aware of myself teaching and handling the new class of 4 year olds. I feel stubborn that I don't want to help in planning things for her because she shouldn't have died in the first place, yet remember those living and grieving like her husband and daughters.
Weddings are unpredictable. You never know whats going to happen, what's going to go wrong or what's actually the most fun. Sometimes I meet new friends and that is always fun, but we usually don't see each other again, or at least for a very long time.
I keep super busy because I like to live the summer out to its fullest. Hopefully tomorrow's mini party is fun and doesn't add anxiety when I mean to just have fun. We cleaned all day today for it, but really it needed to be done regardless. Maybe that's why I invited a bunch of people over-for the excuse to do the deep cleaning.
Money. there are so many things I could say about it, most bitter, but it doesn't matter because we need it to live and there's no point in dwelling in the lack of it.
Back to cleaning.
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