break in cleaning

This will be possibly short and to the point. This is because I'm taking a break from cleaning.

It's strange when I think I've got a pretty good hold on life, and I actually have no clue. I think that I've got things together and I'm on top of it. That's when my world gets shaken and things become unsure and unknown.

Summer started off well and I've been really excited for the warm weather (which actually did come until the end of June). Then a co-worker I've always admired, and enjoyed working with, gets sick suddenly 5 weeks after having a baby. She dies a week later. Everything seems different at work now. People are more upset, more edgy. Not as willing to help, be kind, and overlook simple mistakes or judgment calls. I've become extremely insecure and too aware of myself teaching and handling the new class of 4 year olds. I feel stubborn that I don't want to help in planning things for her because she shouldn't have died in the first place, yet remember those living and grieving like her husband and daughters.

Weddings are unpredictable. You never know whats going to happen, what's going to go wrong or what's actually the most fun. Sometimes I meet new friends and that is always fun, but we usually don't see each other again, or at least for a very long time.

I keep super busy because I like to live the summer out to its fullest. Hopefully tomorrow's mini party is fun and doesn't add anxiety when I mean to just have fun. We cleaned all day today for it, but really it needed to be done regardless. Maybe that's why I invited a bunch of people over-for the excuse to do the deep cleaning.

Money. there are so many things I could say about it, most bitter, but it doesn't matter because we need it to live and there's no point in dwelling in the lack of it.

Back to cleaning.

quick blog!

I want to go to valleyfair but weekends are so busy!!! This weekend I'm going to rochester for father's day and hopefully see my friend Megan L (from florida). Next weekend is my friend's Heather's wedding!!

Going to a concert tonight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Friends?

One day I decided to try something new with a boy at my work. He is quite the trouble maker and has many issues. He isn't nice to others, will quickly hit, pull on, kick, yell at others. Yesterday I decided to ask him something nice like what did you do yesterday? He yelled something I couldn't understand and just ran off, as usual. I kept trying though, and we ended up talking a long time about his home situation. He let me give him hugs and said everyone yells at him. Yes, everyone does "yell" at him, but he is always needing to be told to follow directions, settle down..... So, I tried to say it nicer. It worked!!! Today, he came up and gave me a hug, a BIG hug!! And he asked if we were best buds and he said he likes me. He also asked if I was his friend. We sat and talked a long time. I found out most of the stuff he tells me are lies, about his family, but it seems like he just needs someone to pay attention to him in a positive way. We can work on the lying later. :) :)

The weather is CRAZY!!!!! Yesterday was cold and I wore 2 jackets and it rained all day. Today I wore my 2 jackets in the morning, and it was cloudy and boring. By the afternoon/evening it was sooo hot and sunny!! We didn't even wear our hoodies and we were sweating. We had to go inside because it was too hot and drink a lot of water. How strange.

When I was over at my friend Damien's, he had me drink one of his Lipton Ice teas since he was kind of sick of them. The cravings started about a week later and soon I was embarrassing myself at restaurants asking if they had it. Eric confirmed that he, too, was addicted to the same drink and we raved about it one day. Hopefully its a better alternative to pop and high calorie juice.

However! Nothing pairs better with pizza than a nice cold pop, which is about to be my delicious supper.

A poem:

I made a box of mac and cheese
but no one is here to eat it with me.


Sitting all day in front of a computer makes me feel silly. I have been working on project ALL DAY!! Bryan has been at work. This wouldn't be so hard except for that I'm all alone and things get strange after a while. I've played about 7 cds and chatted online and texted friends to keep myself company.

I go through these strange bouts of perfectionism and then I realize its silly and become more relaxed. I frown at the kids at work not being perfect, and Patty helps me realize kids aren't perfect and when to get fussy over behavior. I frown at myself for not being perfect, and unfortunately (which I hate always spelling wrong) at Bryan too. But, I'll keep fighting the frowns and remember with the bad there is always good somewhere.

I'm thinking a lot about eating healthier. Not sure how to go about it, so I've been eating a lot more ham sandwiches. What's REALLY healthy anyway??

THINK!!

I wish I could just relax and think when a conflict/problems arises. Instead, I lose my mind-whether its shown on the outside or not.

I dislike gas stoves and ovens and fire in general. I've always been reluctant to cook. Recently, I have started to "provide care" for one of the 4 year olds in my class and his twin sisters. It's quite enjoyable and it pays well-almost taking the place of second job. Anyway, I had to heat up milk on the stove today and left the gas burner on for hours!!! ARGGH! I thought I was turning off the correct burner but the flame wouldn't go out. I was nervous enough about it, so I didn't think to check all the burners and make sure I had the right one off. I thought blowing out the flame would be fine, but I guess it isn't. Problem- gas stoves/fire. Anxiety over fire and not being able to figure it out, made me miss a simple solution to a problem that would not existed.

Now I know for next time!

I got Tony Hawk-American Wasteland!!! It will keep me busy until I can buy RockBand.

Poor behavior should not get rewarded.

Behavior that is rewarded positively to the person -intentially or unintentially- is obviously often repeated.

I'm tired of seeing this happen in society and I fear what its going to do for the social interactions of children to young adults today.

*Paris Hilton- claim to fame- drinking? being sassy and rude? clubbing? showing body parts? weighing 90 lbs? sex tapes?
Women and girls think she's so cool and beautiful and buy her books, her dvds and whatever else. It's no wonder Hollywood women (Brittany, Lyndsey Lohan, Tara Reid...) are falling apart, having mental breakdowns, going to rehab for who knows what. Paris constantly gets publicity and positive reactions to her poor behavior.

*The Bachelor girls & bad attitudes on reality TV- This kind of goes along with Paris Hilton.
There is usually one outrageous girl who flips out because she wasn't chosen. One season, one of them claimed to be a princess and said things like- it's because I'm beautiful and rich and they are ugly. She was glorifed for this embarassing show of immaturity and a bad attitude. She got extra coverage on the show, plus a special interview later on. More and more females are seeing that they get special attention for acting this way and I'm hoping teenagers realize that its just the TV, and you won't get anywhere in life if you really act like this.

*Teenage pregnancies- This is the oldest example. I've seen it since I was in high school.
We want the babies to be born, be safe, and be well-nourished. The government gives money to teenage moms so they can supply their kids with lots of food and proper clothing/diapers. What I've seen happen is they spend it on new cars, manicures and highlighting hair, expensive clothing, and drinking. I understand the concern and why we are helping out, but how can we do it in a different way?

*high school and free laptops online.
I heard on the radio the other day that you can get your GED online by taking online courses and maybe some college courses. It advertised people who had dropped out of high school and were now ready to get their GED. They also get a FREE laptop for signing up. I maybe don't have all the right information and this could serve as an alternative to that vicious social world. It also probably saves a lot of money. However, it seems to me that if you made the foolish mistake of dropping out of high school, which really isn't that hard to begin with, then you SHOULD NOT be rewarded with a free laptop. There are people who went through high school and graduated when they should have and they aren't getting free laptops for college.

ho-hum

This week is the last week for one of my 4 year olds. I am sad to see him and his family go, even if there is some relief (long story).

I ended up with a sinus infection over the weekend. I woke up with a sore throat, inside and out, on Friday and that's all it was for a while. Saturday overnight, I didn't sleep well and that's when it quickly became what it is. It's wierd that the sore throat goes away suddenly. I just should accept that I get these sinus infections and that's that.

I loved the beautiful weather today, and I was actually too hot walking home on break! I am eager to find out the high temperature today. I really really miss the weather channel and local on the 8's. I wanted to track the storms tonight but its too hard online so we just listened.

I learned that my friend/co-worker Tara writes stories and poetry! For the stories, she even made up a whole different world, complete with a modern twist to the old 1800s style. I used to love to write, and maybe I still want to, but its just been reduced to these blogs. I felt like my stories didn't mature enough past a certain age and became silly and not serious.