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I wish I could be happier but its my own fault this week that my gloom and doom takes over. I thought that I would have so much fun here, why not, right? But, i didn't count on waking up Tuesday feeling like a truck hit me, then driving longer than necessary on wed (and later than we planned) missing out on activities.

Saw Marley and Me, yeah a great movie if you like to spend your day crying your eyes out. I like to be entertained at the theater not be embarrassed by my swollen red eyes and feeling depressed. They trick you into laughing through half the movie and then slap you with reality, as life often does, and bam you are grabbing you kleenex and wondering why do anything in life.

I'm being bah humbug and just need to "shape up!" Even my caribou coffee made me stomach feel like its inside out.

Twilight Review

I read Twilight in less than one week. It was amazing. The emotion, interactions, descriptions.... amazing. This book has gotten so many people to read an actual book. Almost every female I know has read this book, even as long as it is, or has heard of it.

The movie pales in comparison. But, of course it does! It would be very hard to find an actual person as beautiful as the vampires were described, especially with acting talent. With the descriptions of all the characters being so perfectly envisioned, I feel like the actors and actresses had their work cut out for them. However, the director - Catherine Hardwicke - did a horrible job of directing these actors/actresses!!! I didn't feel emotionally moved by the movie, which is surprising considering the book. The scenes looked like it was trying to be reality tv, or like "the hills". (I've only see 10 minutes of Hills episode before turning it off in disgust). My friend said it looked like a B movie and I absolutely agree, but the worst kind of B movie. I'm even fond of quite a few B movies but this one teetered more on awkward than unique. If she directs the next movie, New Moon, which I read it last week, I probably won't even go see it. She doesn't deserve to have the record for best opening weekend for a female director.

I enjoyed Edward and Bella's acting most of the time, and think it was fault of the screenwriter for any awkwardness. The casting of about half the characters was perfect, but the other half made it painful to watch. Why were such unknown actors (and untalented) cast for this big of a movie?? The movie skipped around a lot and if i probably only enjoyed it as much as i did because I had read the book.

Apparently- due to the numbers, everything i just critisized doesn't matter. Talent doesn't seem matter. The fan base, Edward's "hotness factor", and perhaps publicity, made this movie successful. Not the talent, the script, or the directing. Hardwicke and Rosenberg (screenwriter) are just riding the wave of Stephenie Meyer's brillantly entertaining novel.

Strangely enough, after my rant on perserving talent and not selling out, I would say I'd see the movie again in the future. And I'm sure kids and perhaps teenagers who don't care how bad the directing is would see it again. I did enjoy seeing some parts and it is fun to see parts of the book in action. I feel like i would have a clearer perspective of the movie if i saw it again, whether it be better or worse.

Halloween is great. It's a huge distraction and I'm grateful for it. I dressed up as a queen last night for work, and Friday, I'm going as a corpse bride with Bryan as the groom. I hope the party we've been planning for (at a friend's house) is fun.

I find joy in new gadgets/experiences.....

but they make me so nervous and sometimes anxious!

I enjoy that you can "follow" blogs on here now. I kept forgetting people's blogs and what they are called. Now I can find them easily. But it brings me back to the paranoia I had before when I was blogging on sites with so much traffic (myspace, facebook, xanga...) . I fear that I'm boring and that my writing is too simple. I will ignore these nagging thoughts and continue with confidence posting whatever I like in whatever form!

The last 2 days were the hardest days of my life physically. This is not an exaggeration in any sort. I still think they are better than the Oct 8-11, the week I found out I was having a miscarriage. The emotional stress and disappointment was hard for me, as it would be for anyone I suppose. Through prayer and having the courage to ask for prayer from others, I feel peace. I depended on God during the hardest times of my life. It always easier to say you will than actually doing it, and I certainly didn't do it in high school.

Back to the last 2 days physically- whew. I really don't feel like saying much about it on here, because its such a gray area of things you talk about with people. I felt weird talking about it with my mom! So, for personal venting purposes only, I am mentioning it. I am so grateful to have my husband and my mom at my side today!! And! I have to say nurses rock! They took such good care of me and kept putting warm blankets on me!

My mom and I went shopping today even, for a fun treat, and I did actually end up buying some really cheap clothes- it was at Plato's Closet- the secondhand store in Plymouth. I love it! I even got a winter coat that doesn't poof too much and fits a little snug, which seems good for a winter coat.

Why do musical artisits think its cool to put police sirens in their songs?!!! It annoys me so much. It was cool the first time, and from then on, especially in my car, I think that a cop is pulling me over. I bought the new Weezer cd- the Red one - and its my first complaint so that's not bad.

I'm soooo tired from getting up at 3 am this morning!!! But, I am too stubborn to go to bed because I know I wake up in 10 hours, which would be 7. I don't want to be sitting around waiting to go to work at 9! It's just a weird thing but I can't stand getting up too early. It throws off my whole morning routine. Also, it may end up that I sleep all the way to 8 anyway and that is 11 hours of sleep! I don't need that much.

OOoo, the Weezer album is redeemed! I just heard the lyrics stating that so what if Weezer is popular and is played on the radio. Go Weezer! I think its great that they keep making albums. Everything must change, its the way life works. If music stayed the same it would be so boring! It's like my buying "skater shoes" - etnies to be exact. I love them and they are actually quite durable, and I encourage the "fad". Yes, I do feel like I'm selling out a little, not being true to my roots, but its ok!! Do I want to dress like the 90's or when I was in college forever? No of course not. Yes, I did buy cropped hoodies and longer shirts and like them.

Oh gosh, life isn't about clothes, I'm being silly. I just like to express myself in every way possible and the clothes are the fastest and easiest way to do that. I do have views on politics, morals, and other things but I guess I'm too scared to talk about them. Ok, signing off to sleep, and putting Bryan at rest too (i have long nails... makes typing loud).

Update

Today, my fever is lower. I am still weak and its hard to do much activity, like make myself lunch or walk around, but I'm feeling better overall. I'm so glad I took the day off to rest and get better!

Yesterday was tough, working while sick at a strange place I've been. I went to go work in St. Louis Park. It is a big center! So many children!! I was overwhelmed.

Found this while surfing the web on my boring sick day:

http://www.jobvent.com/lowestRanked.php?PageNum=2

Apparently, working at Hollywood Video or going back to Petsmart would be a better work environment than KinderCare. I'm glad our center isn't as bad as most.

Washington was fun! We were there from Wed-Mon early morning. Thursday, we went to Rosario Beach, as tradition. We visited Mandy and John and went to Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2. Friday was the gaming convention which was sooo fun!! We played lots of video games. Saturday, Bryan went kayaking and I looked at boats. Sunday, we went to church and saw our friends and went to Bellingham to see Minnesota friends! Then I went shopping with Mandy and Bryan's sister Amy! It was so much fun. I can't wait to see them all again.. someday.

Horray!!

I just got a relieving message. Sometimes I'm so paranoid. My guilt created a reason for someone to be upset with me, but they aren't! One less thing to worry about!

I have a busy week planned. I seem to be stepping out of my comfort zone so much lately. It's good for me, yet creates more worry and stress. At my job, I volunteered to teach phonics for 2 weeks before the new teacher gets there. I did not know that it would be starting tomorrow. AHHH!! Technically, Friday was the other teacher's last day, but they talked her into staying one more day (today) so she could train me in. We are so lucky that she is so extremely organized because i might actually do ok. It's very scary to be in charge of 7 groups of children at all different levels. Each one even uses a different teaching manual! The unfortunate thing is that I am in charge of teaching my own class for the next 2 weeks but I won't be in the classroom because of teaching Phonics. That means I have to do the planning and prepping for both, and my co-teacher has to carry out the lesson plans i made up. Awkward!! I hope I don't end up planning all these things that we don't end up doing! I am kind of bummed to miss the alphabits band. :( ha.

A friend at work made me banana bread. She's so sweet.

I hate when the drain in the bathroom sink is slow and all i see is a pool of white from the toothpaste i just spit out. There's something gross about white and teeth grime floating around in water.

I've been lucky to have many fun events happen lately. I keep remembering how fun the Rancid/MXPX concert was!! I went to my cousin's wedding and it was a big and loud wedding- the best kind! Many gave speeches and some sang songs even. We all danced to songs from the 90's until 1 am. On Sunday, we went to Heather's benefit. It was the strangest thing "celebrating" one's life because she, in fact, died. It was fun and I loved seeing all the families outside of what I refer to as "work".

We watched American Meth today with a few friends. Quite the movie. I felt sad for the families whose lives are run by the addiction to meth. I tried to recognize the sadness I felt from the movie as a good thing, because I want to be affected by these things in life. I want feel the need to help, even if i can't. The movie supposedly ended with hope, but that hope is thin and easy to see through. The choices were made and they will live with them. I guess the hope lies in that the users really did stop and won't go back.

I feel like I have some sort of plan for the next year. There's been a few events that have affected my view on life, and perhaps some of my goals. Of course, anything could change, anything could happen.