Changes and influence

My friend told me some very good news yesterday!!! I keep thinking about it, and hope it continues to be good news.

I've been painting lately! The kids I nanny for went to Grandma's this week, so I was lucky enough to pick up hours still. Painting can be a daunting task. It's tedious but sometimes can be enjoyable. Doing something so robotic yet dramatic while your thoughts are free to roam. People asked: "You can paint?" Really, who can't paint? Doing it well is a matter of opinion! I think now that I've painted 3 coats over patio doors and kitchen windows, plus 3 different kinds of paint in the playroom, I'm a pro! My perfectionist side also came out, as I practiced making each section look "perfect", brushstrokes and all. I pictured myself painting my future home! Oh, how wonderful it would be to not have those white walls in every room.... On another thought, I am soooooo tired of painting! I love the accomplishment but 4 days of painting is enough! Just one more coat on a little spot tomorrow.........

I found myself looking at where the tile meets the walls in the bathroom today. I noticed an imperfection and suddenly pictured the people painting it. Funny when you immerse yourself in something you've never done, it pops up all over in your thoughts!! It made me think of if I study the bible more, or listen to more sermons, it would change my thoughts for the better. I can be soo influenced by things without even knowing it!

Speaking of influence, Ok i'm kidding...
I was listening to MPR today, and they were talking about how in all the bad news of the economy, some people are still making money. And even if the company is having problems in one area (which gets dramatized) it may not be in another area. Then today, I was actually watching tv as it played on the television (most tv i watch is online or taped) , and I saw a few commercials I hadn't seen before. It's strange to watch companies advertising lower prices and better, competitive offers. It's interesting hearing all the different opinions of how we should react. Some say- go buy more! Some others say- Save all your can for the hard times!

I've noticed that my mind has been changing on things I used to like doing. I still think the idea is fun, and I will probably do it again, but really, its not that fun in the end. I sort of wonder, why am I here? What am I doing? Not that its bad, of course. It's playing your favorite game and then not wanting to anymore. The game isn't bad for you, and it doesn't really matter if you play it or not. It makes sense. You can't always do the same things over and over, right? I welcome the change, but still wish that it wasn't true in some tiny way. It affects others too. They notice, and are like, Hey! Why aren't you blah blah blah. And I'm like blah blah, and they say, but ... and its awkward. The cycle of life.

It's like watching dramatic TV shows. I don't need the extra drama. I don't need to be influenced by more drama and get used to everything being this big dramatic thing!

Everything or everyone gets influenced by another, and its up to the person to go with it, do nothing and possibly be influenced, use self control or distancing to prevent the influence. I believe that you can be exposed to something and not start doing it, unlike many others. It just takes discipline and self control, and some people just don't have as much. Language is a good example. Some groups of girls use "like" a LOT more often than other groups. But maybe one of their friends in the Like group doesn't use it so much.

I suppose all these thoughts sound random to the reader, but they are relevant in my life. I talked to a lot of people this week and I've been thinking about all the different interactions and conversations.

Exhaustion

Whew, I'm exhausted. I feel like part of my allergies is this endless fatigue along with the sinus congestion. I keep thinking I'm on the brink of getting the full blown sinus infection, but luckily I get better and it passes. I just vacuumed everything, and I'm so tired and weak my hands are shaking and I could take a nap. Time to eat some crackers and peanut butter! Hopefully that makes it better.

Today we are going to a friends' birthday party, their birthdays are within a week of each other so its a nice big party with both sides of friends invited. I like to think of it as a free night of entertainment. And no, I'm not drinking. However, I do enjoy a single energy drink. I might especially need it after that vacuuming. ;)

I know I can be interested in 24 if I watch it, because the season started off great. But the desire to watch it just isn't there. Hmm. Might be because I keep missing it on Mondays and I hate watching it online with our slow computer. I keep getting lost on all the storylines and things that go wrong.

I keep my relationships from Kindercare alive and its complicated. It's worth it to keep up with the families I came to love, but its not easy. It's hard to miss a place that is filled with so much secret corruption :(

I get so frustrated on the subject of our apartment and where we are going to move! I would love to live in the city but with jobs and money the way the are at the moment, I don't know if that's possible. I would love to live in an apartment just like ours but a little more southeast, but is that too good to be true, and too expensive? Bryan wants to go cheaper and smaller which seems impossible because we way overcrowd this one! I always think to the future and when we will have a house and a family, and others think of the present and throw away everything. I assume I should think in the middle of the 2.

How do people get rid of stuff??? I hate the thought of throwing away things that others can use! I want to help those less fortunate but I wonder if our stuff is so crappy the less fortunate wouldn't even want it. Then I suppose we would throw it away. For instance, portable cd players. I don't know why Bryan stopped using them, but we have 4!! When does giving stuff away just come off as being rude?

one word blog

Hard work
frustration
determination
regaining confidence
new ideas
ambition!
exciting
happy
accomplished
eager
planning
too much to do
weekend plans
birthday party!
duluth
see everyone?
going out to eat
party!
but not too much
not much sleep
where to sleep?
another work week....

I haven't had much to say lately. Staying at home all day, I've been doing the same things, everyday. At least the apartment is getting thoroughly cleaned.

I spend most of my time looking at cars. I wish I had a car to go look at cars.

laugh- paranoia

My job search has resumed.

It's my first day, unemployed, since May of 2007. Im not sure how I feel about that by any means. I do know that its freakin cold in my apartment- lower 60s, and it won't warm up!! the heat doesn't work when temperatures are so cold. I could go ask the office, but that seems unfair- maybe everyone's doesn't work, its not their fault its so cold.

Writing on this blog is strange. It's so free to post whatever I want. Even more free than my paranoid thoughts believed. See, I googled myself and I gotta laugh- my common name hides me so well. I always make fun of my not-so-new last name. I love my name and everything, but I just poke fun at the fact that its SO common. But, I couldn't be happier now, that my last name is Jones. I searched through 8 google pages and couldn't find my blogs and facebook. That's GREAT!! While I love the online community and the fact that friends are so accessible, I was starting to get really paranoid that my potential employers were going to find my blogs and other sites and judge me before hiring me. Maybe they could try other searches, but on google- I'm pretty hidden. All you'll find is a soap opera star and some other famous people way more interesting than me.

Another weird feeling about writing on this particular blog is I feel kind of alone writing on it. I haven't told many people about it, and I feel like I'm talking to myself. In my case, this is ok, because sometimes I just have to get thoughts out and written down in organized thought so I don't make myself crazy. I'm more free to be myself on here too, if I don't think 100 people could read it.

I have to email a friend now. Bye, self.

*correction- I found myself via my name and city, but it's a really old profile with the wrong info anyway. so you can stalk someone online, but I wouldn't recommend it.

Contradicted change

I feel alone, and already sad as if I already had my last day at work. I feel the weight of missing so many people on my shoulders. I really dislike missing people. It's a very silly thing to dislike because life is filled with missing people and in a way, it makes life more meaningful if we even have people to miss. I just wish I could stay in touch better. Email, at least, makes this somewhat possible.

There's so many normal things stressing me out. If everyone is upset about the same thing I feel like its pointless to be upset about it. It should be just an accepted reality. The main thing I'm talking about is MONEY. No one has enough of it, especially now, so its the last thing I want to hear anyone complain about, but its the first thing on everyone's mind.

I'm also really sad that a new friend is moving away. REALLY sad.

I think I talk too much at work. I need to start getting my thoughts out by writing again, then I'm not forcing anyone to listen or be distracted at work.

My random complaint is that my allergies must be acting up again. This is my first winter being "healthy" after all my sinus and allergies problems. I was good until lately, I feel soooo abnormally tired, and my sinuses hurt all the time- making my head feel like a hundred pounds. I already went on antibiotics during christmas because i started aching head to toe and stuff, but the healthyness didn't last long after. I vacuumed today and will keep up on that and brushing my cats.

It's very hard to be at work, trying not to think about it being my last weeks, trying not to be super buddy with kids because i know I'm leaving, and still trying to do a good job because I don't want to slack off.

I just watched the Clash DVD. It was enjoyable.